im so fuckin over today. im done. checked out. finished. knocked out. kaput. ive been done with today since last night. i hate wednesdays. i have 12 hours of class. i mean, i set my schedule and all, but jesus christ. my alarm went off an hour late. i was late to class today. then i thought i had the right paper to draw on. nope. had to go and buy some. fucking awesome. didnt actually get to start drawing until 930ish. i managed to get a damn good drawing out but fuck. it was a two week drawing and i only got one week in on it cause i missed all my fucking classes for tyra last week. so im sitting in fucking world history right now surrounded by ignorant assholes. i went on my break to grab a snack at the corner store. tried to take money out but you can only take out 20 dollar intervals. i dont have 20 bux in my account. so i walk 2 more blocks to the wawa. mind you i only have 15 minutes here. i take money out there. awesome. then i see that the line is all the way around the fucking store! so i decide to walk back to the corner store and guy stuff there. its on my way back. cool.... some where in the 2 blocks between wawa and the other place, i dropped my fucking money..... what the fuck?! so now, not only do i not have food (ate nothing but coffee all day as i forgot to bring shit with me) but i dont have any money to get home tonight. i have to bum two bucks from some one and then borrow money from mom tomorrow..... fml. i hate this shit. im pissed at my job because theyre not scheduling me. i have to go job hunting next week. argh!!!!! i never have any fucking money. im so tired of this bullshit. im over it. im so tempted to go back to stripping. i made bank. i dont give a shit any more. i just want a fucking cig and im out and i dont have money to get more.... i may be over reacting but god damn some days i just wanna blow my god damn brains out

::signing off::

the tyra show

Okay so… since every one and their mother has been asking me about the tyra show (literally… my friend’s moms are asking me), here’s how it all went down. Alison and I took the train up to NYC Tuesday night. Had an awesome time on the train. We sat in the café car and played really obnoxious music haha. Cleared out the car except for the conductors who were hanging out with us the whole time. They told me I look like Abby from NCIS or what ever that show is. So we finally get to the hotel, drop our stuff, get cleaned up and decide to hit up a bar for a wee bit. Yeah…. That was a great idea. Haha I had a liiiitttllleee too much to drink. What evs. The hotel beds were so freaking comfy, I slept great and woke up feeling awesome any way.
So we meet up with Jasmine, the lady thingy from the show, at about 745 am, and walk to the station (its only about a block and a half away). Sadly, they made us turn in our cameras and phones so if any of you were wondering why I didn’t text you excitedly, that would be why. So then we had to go through wardrobe and makeup and all that jazz. I had to put so much make up on, I looked like a death rock drag queen (so kinda like high school haha). E then proceded to hang out for like…. 3 hours. Ugh. The entire time were hanging out doing nothing, im getting grumpier and grumpier because I started thinking about how this is just another example of me doing what makes me happy and being told I need to change it. I mean… I knew all this going in and when I agreed to do it, but still. It wears on you. When every one is looking at your pictures or checking out your shit and laughing or just acting so amazed… I dunno. It wears on you. Al I wanted to do was talk to mom and tyler. It kidna sucked.
So they started the show with Alison who was playing my “normal” friend who is “tired of me always dressing so crazy and tired of the looks we get when we go out” blah blah blah. They start to show some of my crazier pictures to the audience and all I can hear are bad oohs and ahhs and it really pissed me off. I looked at the oother people back stage and was like “it’s just like high school all over again”. So then I came out on stage and talked with tyra for a little bit. She asked me some questions and what not. Then went and sat in this chair with the hair guy (mike) and the maeup guy (sam). They were easily my favorite part of the entire experience. I love them to death. So yeah… they talked a bit on stage about some products that could help and talked a little about what they were going to do to me. It was cute. Tyra took my fake lashes off haha.
I then get rushed back stage where they have about 20 minutes to do my make over haha. Mike is trying to do my hair while sam’s assistant was taking my old makeup off. Jesus it was crazy. so yeah. Gave me a cute outfit. Did some loose curls all betty page style. Cut my bangs (☹) but its okay cause they looks super cute. So then they brought me back on stage. Alison’s jaw dropped and every one in the crowd was cheering and shit. It was kinda cool.
So after all that went down, they drove us to a salon at 6th and Madison. Eiji. It was sooooo cool. That is where Mike works. So he colored my hair and fixed up my bangs a little. We had such a cool time hanging out with him. They let us leave all our stuff (and there was a lot of it) at the salon while Alison and I went and got some dinner. We went to this amaaaazing restaurant called Tao. It was sooo delicious. Then we walked through FAO Shwartz for a bit, then we went back home. We were exhausted by the time we got home. Holy crap.
So that’s what happened. No, I don’t know when its going to air yet, so quit asking me! Lol.

recap of last night's show

so. tyler and i went to see anti-flag at the troc last night. it was, for lack of a better word, awesome. 4 opening bands (menzingers, star fucking hipsters, cancer bats, aiden). didnt care too much about all that. but before a-f played, i had a chance to talk to their manager about a family friend of mine who had produced their last album. he had asked them to take this picture for me --->


so when i was talking to their manager (i think his name was jesse, but it was loud), he reaches down and hands me a copy of "bright lights of america" on vinyl! after thanking him many many times, tyler and i squeezed our way up against the barrier for their set. it was a relatively short set compared to some of the ones ive seen them do before. their encore consisted of almost entirely clash songs- guns of brixton, should i stay or should i go, i faught the law. durring their last song, the crew started passing pat's drums into the crowd, then pat jumped down and began playing drums from the center of the crowd, right next to where we were standing. right after that, a mic stand and chris's bass were handed down, followed by chris! they finished their set in the middle of the audience. chris had his back pressed right aginst me. it was amazing and i love that the guys are cool enough to do stuff like that. they're all very humble people. i managed to snap some photos with my phone-

so the set ended and tyler and i hung around for a bit. im realy glad we did. i went up to pat and asked him if he remembered taking that picture. he did and he gave me a huge hug and signed my record. i then went up and asked justin sane if he remembered and he also gave me a huge hug after yelling "nikki!" he told us to hang around for a bit while he finished saying good bye to people and signing other people's stuff. after every one else was gone, he took us back stage and had the chris' sign the record also, saying any friend of tony's is a friend of theirs. they were extremely friendly, humble, and polite. all in all it was a pretty fantastic night.

also, things with tyler and me are pretty fantastic. it's really awesome to have a guy who doesnt give a shit when i talk to another guy, or start a fight when we're out, or act like a complete child. he's really great. he manes me really happy, and i hope it stays like that for a long time ;)

::signing off::